Runtime: 108 Mins
What To Expect: Half a dozen laughs, but nine dozen minutes…
I thought the first Ted movie had its moments, a good laugh here and there and good chemistry between Mark Wahlberg – at his best playing a dumb dudebro jock – and the actual bear itself. But despite how good the premise was, a foul mouthed bear that got shit faced in your apartment with you, I personally never returned to the movie. You’d think that such a movie would be up there with the likes of Bad Santa. Ted 1 is an average movie and to be honest, so is the second. It’s neither better nor worse, just more of the same. With probably some misused talent. I’d only recommend watching it if you loved the first.
This time around, the toy gets married to its squeeze, Jessica Barth. But after a plan to artificially inseminate a child using the sperm of Flash Gordon, the law tells them that since Ted is not a human, that will not be recognised by the state. Meanwhile, Wahlberg’s character, Bennett, is still in recovery over a split with his woman. The bear then takes his ‘not human’ case to the supreme court to seek justice and civil rights (Seth McFarlane is about as subtle with his gay marriage slant here as a fork to the eye), using a hot lawyer, Amanda Seyfried, to win his case and set her up with Bennett at the same time. But Giovani Ribisi has alternate plans for all.
I find the ‘Ted’ character to be funny but only in small doses. The turd jokes get old kind of quickly, the relentless bong jokes get old even faster. So for the duration of 108 minutes you really need something else to keep the attention. I thought that this time around that would be Ribisi’s ‘Donny’ and his dastardly plan to mass produce Teds, unique personalities included. But for whatever reason they just ditch that angle more or less, then go back to the 240th bong gag. The film seems to lack direction and relies on a catalogue of one liners.
Flash Gordon gets a cameo, again. Great, because he was funniest thing about the last movie. Hell, Liam Neeson even gets a cameo that is legitimately funny. Mark Wahlberg is also less annoying than Mark Wahlberg has the potential to be. There’s too much half baked (no pun intended) shit in here though, too many unresolved ideas. Ribisi’s character is wasted, I think that’s probably why this gets pegged down to a 6/10.