A criticism that comes by us every now and again goes something like this: “Those ManlyMovie guys suck, they only like movies if they’re R-rated”. Often, such remarks come from fanboys who are upset that you haven’t been grovelling at the shrine of the chosen celebrity they’ve never met, or even spoken to. Or another type, the type of person who simply cannot accept, ever, anyone critisizing movies that they personally liked. And often for people like that, practically everything should be getting glowing praise.
It’s that time of year again. Another movie is coming around from a franchise that was once of unquestionable repute. Another one that looks mostly like garbage, with an additional insult being an inappropriate rating classification. This time it’s Terminator: Genisys. It looks bad, it smells bad and, to round things off, when those already fatal problems are out of the way, it shouldn’t be PG-13 either. And of course, the usual suspects, the turd polishers, the simpletons who judge a movie based on spectacle and budget, only want to talk about that… the criticism of PG-13. They don’t want to talk about the fact that the movie is going to suck either way.
Let’s put it into a context they might understand.
Terminator: Genisys is another Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, and that movie sucked. And it was R-rated. Now it should’ve been R-rated, I mean it features Terminators, which kill without remorse. Do not get me wrong, all Terminator movies should be R-rated. But to accuse people of hating on Terminator: Genisys purely because of its rating is disingenuous at best and full bore retardism at worst. PG-13 is just a part of the sum of problems, the worst of them being desperation, greed, laziness and good old fashioned hedging.
But back to Terminator 3…
We’re using it as an example of how shit Terminator movies exist before a rating is even discussed. I hated Terminator 3. I was insanely hyped for the follow up to one of the all time greats, Terminator 2: Judgement Day and by the time I had left the cinema I felt like I’d been kidney punched, other patrons leaving alongside us obviously felt the same, a few were swearing. I hated the camp humour, I hated the cheap ass soundtrack that sounded like something from the FBI Files. I hated that John Connor was a pussy who hid behind some broad he’d just met. I hated the T-X. Worst of all, I was upset with Arnold Schwarzenegger for letting it happen.
And don’t give me this shit about how “Terminator 2 had humour too” (yes, there are some fanboys out there so desperate, they’re actually trying to belittle T2 in an attempt to elevate T5). Yeah, T2 had humour, but in moderation. And it was badass Jim Cameron humour. Anyway, later, it turned out that Terminator 3 was practically a kickstarter for Arnold’s attempt to become leader of the USA – that most lofty of ego trips. A publicity stunt, in other words, abusing people’s love of the first two movies to get things rolling.
Well here we are again. The same thing is happening. Terminator: Genisys looks like trash, it reads like trash and no amount of violence could probably save it. The reek of desperation is in the air, as it appears that the whole thing is an attempt to get Arnold Schwarzenegger’s career back on track and make Paramount a quick buck or two, before Jim Cameron gets the rights back. And when a movie is brought about for cynical reasons like that, as opposed to all involved waiting ’till the stars aligned for Terminator 2, then it’s a sure bet that they really don’t give a fuck how good it’s actually going to be and only care about how well their giant bait and switch plan is going to work.
The rating was never going to matter. Not really.
In closing another example is A Good Day to Die Hard. A woeful piece of shit, where Bruce Willis thought that filming a movie on the cheap in a Bulgarian quarry would slip people’s attention if he simply boasted that it was R-rated, a man exhibiting severe misunderstanding of the complaints of fans. Not all of us are idiots and fools waiting in anticipation of something you personally know to be shit! Yes, it should’ve been R-rated, but the movie was terminal before it got to that stage.
We’re not here to pick movies out based on their rating. Paramount, you say? They’ll probably have a winner and manly movie in Mission: Impossible Rogue Nation. A PG-13 movie. But what’s the difference? One, it was always supposed to be PG-13 and two, Tom Cruise would not settle for it being crap.