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REVIEW: The Fate Of The Furious (2017) Sucks – ManlyMovie

REVIEW: The Fate Of The Furious (2017) Sucks

With each new Furious movie, Vin Diesel’s CGI car flies four miles higher through the CGI sky.  And each time I become increasingly bored, agitated even.  Walter Hill said once, during promotion of Bullet to the Head (great movie!), that if the audience can’t emphasize with the action on screen, it’s not going to be effective.  What am I looking at here, am I supposed to marvel at stupidity for stupidity’s sake?  I can tell you that this movie left me bored and keeping an eye on the time on my iPhone.

Vin Diesel returns with his band of cameo faces to save the planet, this time from super villain Charlize Theron.  And this time, the ‘angle’ and gimmick is that Toretto has gone rogue, challenging us to inwardly debate if Dom could really turn his back on ‘family’.  I wonder if anyone but Vin Diesel inwardly found this anything but tiresome and predictable.  Along the way, Kurt Russell shows up in a pair of sunglasses for about six minutes of screen time to recruit street racers to take down both Theron and Diesel, who are using cyber terrorism on major cities and must be stopped.

This is dumb shit and there basically is no plot, rather a crude stitch work to draw about 20 cameos together in between CGI chaos, but Furious fanboys will remind you that you need to turn your brain off and appreciate that it’s just ‘dumb fun’.  They’ll also tell you by the way that it’s superior to The Expendables, despite having the same if not worse problems.  I suppose one turd is better than the next if it has a larger budget and more popular promotional pull.  Okay, so if there’s no story, at least don’t stray beyond the two hour mark.  So we must rely on the action then.  Well, the action sucks too.  First of all, there’s ‘dumb fun’ action that winks at its audience and pushes the boundaries, then there’s dumb shit action that just makes you want to quit.  Cars that fly through the sky, men who duck under the stratosphere in jet packs… and all of it looking like a PS4 game.

The CGI and green screen is so heavy I wondered if the actors even had to show up for work for many of the scenes. Fake cars, fake skies, fake fire, maybe they just sat in a swivel chair and 60% of the movie was created on a powerful IBM mutant computer, built around their motion captured likenesses.  Much of this movie is just computer generated chaos — noisy and exhausting.  I naively hoped for better from new director F. Gary Gray, who did a fine job in my opinion with The Italian Job remake.  Compare the heists and action in that movie with this trash, aimed at 10 year olds.

One of the few enjoyable and moderately realistic scenes

I’ll give the movie a few things though.  For a start, the first race in the movie (in Cuba, with some old cars) was remarkably restrained by the standards of previous Furious movies.  Minimal CGI, basic but exciting street racing. Of course, it went down hill from there.  There’s also a few other cool things in the movie.  For instance, The Rock appears more this time than last, or maybe that’s just my impression.  A big highlight in the movie is that Jason Statham battles his way through about 20 men to save a baby’s life, that was fun… Statham is an protagonist in this movie by the way, and in it for a decent amount of time.

But I’ll tell you what this movie is.  It’s a rip off of Tom Cruise’s Mission: Impossible series.  Typically in those movies you’ll get a big heist with a borderline silly but nonetheless moderately entertaining story.  They are slick, funny and cool.  This movie tries the same thing, but has a shitty story, crappy action and only a few funny one liners here and there, usually from The Rock.  It has wasted talent (…Scott Eastwood) and  there’s too much Vin Diesel plays it straight as a rod.  Cruise enjoys himself

It’s boring crap with one nuked fridge after the other.  The worst yet, worse even than the derided 2 Fast, at least that movie mostly relied on Paul Walker’s charismatic presence (sorely missed here) and vehicles that stayed on the ground.

  • Mars farting khan

    💩 review

  • Mucho Macho

    I haven’t been able to watch it so I can’t comment on the quality of the picture. However this thing going to be a big fucking hit because the fucking theaters are packed and I just have not been in the mood to deal with the crowds.

    However this is the eighth installment of this franchise & by now those that are fans of it are going to like it and those that don’t are going to hate it.
    I’ve seen all these movies and so far I have liked them in their own cheesy way ( some more than others of course )

    However it seems that now they’re just milking this cow dry and instead of leaving on a high note, they’re hell-bent a milking, jerking off & butt fucking this cash cow for all it’s worth.

    But even if I like it, can somebody please tell Tyrese to shut the fuck up.
    I swear the motherfucker thinks he’s Chris Tucker trying to get Jackie Chan’s attention in the “Rush Hour” movies.

    • Der

      I was of work Friday so went to an early showing and it was full house so it’s gonna be a huge hit, I didn’t mind it was good popcorn fun the rock was great and statham stole the show the bit at the end with the. Baby was great fun hope him and rock get there spin off but the people who go on about r rated are living in dream world it’s never gonna happen and if you think it is your dreaming so wake the fuck up.

      • Mucho Macho

        For what I’ve been able to gather this is the rocks and Jason Statham’s movie and Vin Diesel is somewhat feeling a little bit left out cuz he’s not getting that much praise.
        I’ll try to go this weekend

        • Jake

          I caught a matinee today. Statham pretty much steals the show. If Vin was already worried about the Rock, I can see why he’d be nervous about a spinoff centering on both those guys.

          I’d still expect the spinoff to happen though. It won’t be R rated but probably will be a lot of fun.

          • Mucho Macho

            I haven’t seen it yet.
            I have a bit of a hectic week coming up but I’ll try to watch ASAP

          • Mucho Macho

            Agree.
            Jason Statham and The Rock breaking out of prison was good enough for me.
            It wasn’t the best of the franchise I thought but I didn’t hate it. After Fast 7 I think spin-offs would have been better cause they are stretching the Dominic Toretto thing like turkey meat after Thanksgiving

          • Jake

            “they are stretching the Dominic Toretto thing like turkey meat after Thanksgiving”

            I love the scene in Fast 8 where they are in Kurt Russell’s super secret government hideout and someone asks “Do you know who you’re asking us to try and track?!” like Dominic Toretto is fucking Jason Bourne or something.

            It’s at this point that the audience must remind themselves, “Wait, isn’t Dom just an ex-con street racer?” LOL

          • Mucho Macho

            Lol
            Hey don’t be I’m a skeptic!
            You can learn a lot race car driving in da hood and stealing DVD players

      • Craig Richards

        Commie fag…..go post somewhere else you beta wimp. Oh yeah, you wouldn’t last 2 seconds if you were getting mugged. Creeps like you would run off and let your girlfriends get violated. Say what you want pussy…..you know I’m right you weakling

        • Der

          Fake news

        • Der

          Spend a lot of time thinking about raping women you fucking weirdo 🤓

  • TheOldMcClane

    Jesus, seems like they crap out one of these every year.

  • Andymovieman

    Hopefully kurt Russell is in a larger role and gets to be involved in the action like the seventh one and i don’t just mean the gunfights, I mean the hand to hand combat like with his other films.

    • The Night Rider

      Russell is barely in the movie.

      • Andymovieman

        I thought he was going to be in a larger role, it’s probably because he’s doing guardians of the galaxy 2 and I wonder how much screen time he’ll have in that but I hope the next fast sequel he’s in a larger role and gets more involved with the action like he used to be. He should do a decent action film like what Liam Neeson and Mel Gibson are doing. Russell is barely doing shit like Bruce Willis. He should appear in expendables 4 even if he thinks he’s better than that.

        • Jake

          He’s probably in it more than the last one (don’t remember how much he was in that, tbh) but it’s probably not more than 3 or 4 scenes.

          My impression is they just write these things on the fly without any clear idea of where the series is headed until production. Wasn’t Russell rumored to be the main villain of part 8 at one point? I think Eva Mendes and that kid from Sling Blade were also supposed to return.

          I did notice Chris Morgan receives sole screenwriting credit on this one. Morgan was also the driving force behind Legend of Conan, which is worth remembering the next time someone mourns that project falling apart. No way that would’ve turned out to be the kind of brutal action film fans wanted and deserved.

  • Mucho Macho

    By the way I like how in so many movies now Cuba is such a great fun place. For the record Hollywood, Cuba is still a communist country.

    Hollywood logic:
    * Men can use bathrooms & locker rooms with women as long as they “””identify””” with being female.
    & If you don’t agree … Boycott!!!

    * Communism is alright.
    Dominic Toretto can street race all he wants

  • Lt_Cobretti

    The Rock and Statham were being set up to get their own spin off, until the bald manlet decided to chuck a shit-fit and quash it. Bet it would have been R rated and maybe decent too.

    • The Night Rider

      Yeah, because both Rock and Statham may have demanded ground R action… and probably would’ve gotten what they wanted.

    • Mucho Macho

      You don’t understand Vin Diesel.
      He doesn’t want his family away from him. They need to stay in
      “Casa de Diesel”

      • Lt_Cobretti

        I used to think his inflated ego was funny, but nowadays he makes Kanye look humble.

        • Mucho Macho

          We need a Vin Diesel/ Kanye West movie ..ASAP.
          The promotional tour will be worth it

        • The Night Rider

          Everyone in the movie knows its silly and has fun with their roles. But Diesel takes it dead seriously and appears to think he’s in a Frankenheimer movie or something. It’s almost like he believes this ‘family’ bullshit, you’d have to wonder if his ego is so massive that he’s mentally disturbed and is on some huge fit of fantasy.

          • Mucho Macho

            I think originally Vin Diesel wanted his character to be named Dominic Hamlet.

          • The Night Rider

            Comment kind of reminds me on when Kurt Sutter insisted Sons of Anarchy was an ode to Shakespeare. Okay, Kurt…
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vXJz6e0hYk

          • Mucho Macho

            Cause Shakespeare’s really what you think when you watch “Sons of Anarchy”😜🔫

          • csc-60293

            its funny when he takes a shit on the rock

  • CARTMANEZ

    as expected

  • ColonelBobi

    I saw the first one and the one in Brazil (#5??) and that’s all I could stomach. Even tried Pinkman’s Need For Speed movie but that was shit too. Diesel hasn’t been good to watch since Pitch Black. Also is that a nuclear submarine on that movie poster? Don’t tell me Vin gets to stunt drive one of those in glorious CGI too? Shit movies with shit actors for kids with shit for brains.

  • jim

    No shit Sherlock?..Of course it’s shite..It was always going to be shite..There was no chance it could ever be anything but shite.

  • Georg Walker

    No surprises here. I quit this franchise after the fifth movie, and even that was long overdue. Fast 4 and 5 make Tokyo Drift look like a masterpiece.

  • csc-60293

    It has The Rock in it . Of course it sucks !

  • ManlyFannyPack

    Worst
    Franchise
    Ever

  • Craig Richards

    No shit this movie was gonna suck. No way is an alpha gonna like this garbage. However if you go over to Aintitcool, you’ll see nuthin but a bunch of beta and omega creeps fawning all over this flick…….freaking pathetic.

    • Der

      Never heard of anti cool but you go on it to get angry sad little angry man no boy , you are what is wrong with today’s fake tough guy bitches good crack on the jaw would sort that out

  • Eric Hutchison

    With the exception of the first movie, “The Fast & the Furious,” almost all of them have been DUMB SHIT. Some people like the mindless, over-the-top absurdity of these movies, and to each their own. But for me personally, I can’t stand it. I’m an action movie lover, but over-the-top nonsense like the Fast movies actually serve more as COMEDY to me than thrilling action. I much more prefer action movies with serious plots and action that’s mostly plausible. I want to be able to say “yeah, that could possibly happen” instead of laughing my ass off at the absurdity of something like Vin Diesel and another character riding on the top of two vehicles that crash head on, they go flying through the air at breakneck speed, catch each other, then fall and smash on top of something and not have a scratch on them. Unfortunately, this is far too often what passes as “action” in Hollywood these days. It’s really, really sad.

  • Jacob Phillips

    Never liked any of these piss ant fast n furious flicks, I wouldn’t watch this if they paid me.

  • Just Some Polack

    Seen box office results… Brace yourself, guys, it ain’t going away soon.

  • Jake

    I don’t mind that these films exist, if only because this has now become such a ridiculously improbable franchise.

    It’s easy to forget, but the original Fast and the Furious actually drew some praise at the time for being a modestly-budgeted underdog in the Summer of 2001. Many critics even drew a stark contrast between it and Stallone’s (then recent) bloated attempt to showcase formula one racing, Driven. The former relied on real car stunts while the latter was a precursor to what Fast and Furious would eventually become: An empty, over-budgeted film that relied on cgi to enhance the action.

  • booger

    These movies ALL suck. CGI looks like shit.

  • Speed Clown and the Hi-Hats

    Vin Diesel uses your tears as anal lube when he bends your mothers and sisters over his many piles of money.

  • Barney Ross

    The race at the begining is excellent and right up there with any scene from fast & Furious 1-3 but yeah all F&F films sucked starting from the 5th one, FnF 1-3 are the best ones for car guys

  • Jake

    Just stumbled upon this article discussing the film’s big ice chase. The biggest surprise is that aside from the submarine, the cars and stunts were almost entirely practical.

    https://www.thrillist.com/entertainment/nation/fate-of-the-furious-ice-submarine-chase-stunt-explained

    I think we’re at the point now where unless a film builds its marketing around the gimmick of practical effects (Fury Road, Mission Impossible) everyone is always going to assume it was 100% green screen.

  • Contorno

    Shaw should have kidnapped the baby, and told Dom, the deal is off, and told Dom…..he’s got your eyes……..now, THAT would have been more realistic.