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REVIEW: Killing Gunther (2017) – ManlyMovie

REVIEW: Killing Gunther (2017)

Run Time: 93 Mins
Rated: R
What To Expect: A scam, a con job, the worst film Arnold Schwarzenegger has ever made, or ever will make

About 15 punishing minutes into this disaster, a man vomits on the floor before a faraway shot shows Arnold Schwarzenegger firing an RPG towards the camera.  Except it’s not Arnold Schwarzenegger, it’s a double, with a CGI rocket using Sega Genesis processing power.  Vomit, an actor who doesn’t show up and awful CGI, these set the tone for this ‘movie’ and yet they don’t even begin to describe how truly awful it is.  Nevermind Killing Gunther, here, we see Arnold kill his own career.

First, let’s address trailer for this hoax.  It’s edited and presented in such a way where it looks like we’re getting a regular movie featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Instead, what we get is a ‘documentary’, a fly on the wall tag along with a bunch of assassins chasing the deadliest killer ever (there’s your story, in one sentence).  This really is an ambush, because by the time you’ve rented it it’s too late; realizing you’re not actually getting a movie.  Also, staying with the trailer, each version officially uploaded to YouTube has a thumbnail of Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Why?  He’s barely in the movie.  And for example, we also see Arnold blow up a yacht in the trailer… well, that’s how they edited it to look, something different happens in the movie.

We all know about the DTV cameo con, where an actor will show up for minimal work in a poor movie, with his appearance spread thinly throughout the movie.  But this dog shit is a new low and the worst abuse of it I’ve ever seen.  Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn’t show up, at all, until the back end up the movie.  Maybe about 65 minutes in.  Then you think, well, the stuff he filmed must now fill out the remainder of the movie.  Then the movie ends prematurely, which turns out to be the most gracious thing it gives its viewers (mercy) with a 7.5 minute end credits roll.

That also reminded me, the ’93 minutes’ has an intro credits scene too, so you’re getting maybe 9+ minutes of ‘credits’.  I mean you’d have to wonder, how can a movie that is so cheap and ghastly stretch out a 7.5 minute end credit roll?  How can there be so many people to credit in a video that YouTube celebs would be ashamed to upload?  What is this, fucking Lord of the Rings?  Of course, it’s just another way to scam the viewer by cutting corners, big ones.

But seriously, you have to watch this movie, to appreciate just how bad it is.  I was stunned at how hoaky it is that it has to be reviewed and documented as cinematic history, from the awful CGI muzzle flashes to the flashback photos that look like they were cooked up in Microsoft Paint (the only time I laughed, not for the right reasons).  All of this isn’t even the worst part; the agonizing trek we have to go through, following a cast of no-name bums trying too hard to be funny using a ‘documentary’ filming technique not dissimilar to the brawling videos found on WorldStar Hip Hop.

Shame on Arnold Schwarzenegger.  He has shown nothing but outright contempt for his fans in this shocking, shocking mess.

  • The Night Rider

    My right ear is burning.

  • AlTeo

    Good lord…
    Well… there’s nowhere to go but up from here on up for Arnold
    Thank goodness Cameron is overlooking the next Terminator as well as for Arnold’s upcoming sub thriller for if not, solely on the basis of this review I would’ve given up on Arnold completely the same as I did with Bruce Willis.

    Thanks for the heads up Night. Sounded painful.

    • The Night Rider

      Arnold was always supposed to be the A-tier ’80s action guy above this type of shit.

      • AlTeo

        I have to say that he took experimental risks with Maggie and this year’s Aftermath; I greatly enjoyed his work in the latter.

        Not for Genisys, and from the looks of it, definitely not for this one either.

      • csc-60293

        i still can’t believe that he is in DTV land and it pisses me of that Sly is going back there as well with these new Escape Plan 2 and 3 films

  • Anoyster

    Wanna hear a joke?

    Arnold Schwarzeneggers post-governorship acting career.

    The guy has zero intent on putting any real work in the movie realm again, if he shows up somewhere you can count on it being just a quick cash grab. Just formally retire already before shitting on your legacy more than you have. I’ve been fiending for Conan 3 for years now but I doubt we want to see this guy there again.

    • The Night Rider

      Even Matthew McConaughey deliberately put the brakes on his own career until they stopped sending him rom-com diarrhea scripts. I don’t see why Arnold can’t do the same, tell them to fuck off until they send him something good. It’s not like he needs the money.

      • French Predator

        ARNIE,is a fucking billionaire, he should produce Conan himself and not wait for Universal to bet on him.

        • csc-60293

          he dosent have the rights to the character

          • Frenchy Fool

            Frenchy is a mentally defective dimwit. I wouldn’t expect a thoughtful reply from that idiotic fool.

          • csc-60293

            lol

        • Frenchy Fool

          lol dullard how is he a billionaire?

      • Jake

        I’m guessing Arnold still wants leading roles and no one in Hollywood is offering that. So instead he takes stuff where he can get top billing and be considered the star, even if it’s crap like Genisys or Killing Gunther or Celebrity Apprentice.

    • csc-60293

      he dosent care for legacy in film he cares for fitness …look at the Arnold Classic

  • John Ashton

    I knew this was going to be very low budget and some of the humour would miss. Was disappointed Arnie was only in from 65 mins, but I kind of got into the film overall. Sure, a lot of the humour fails, but if you get into it then it’s okay. I quite enjoyed it overall I guess, but when Arnie turned up it improved a lot, he was bad ass and also very funny and I liked how he had his own documentary crew and had always been following the others around during the previous 65 minutes. His singing over the end credits was funny. I’d personally give it 5 / 10, just average.

  • Shadow

    I saw it, it is 0/10 movie for fucking sure. Everything here was worse than in any very bad Nice Cage dtv movie, honestly this is probably one of the worst movies ever made😂 The only 1 good thing it is that Arnold looks good and fit! But for that can just look at any of his early posters.

    • The Night Rider

      That was one thing that was decent, Arnold looked quite young for his age.

      • Eric Hutchison

        Yeah, I’m surprised at how good he looks. Too bad he’s going to waste.

  • French Predator

    Arnie already sold out a long time ago, when he accepted 35 000 000$ for this garbage T3.His come back after politics sucked, his unique great movie was Sabotage but this movie was hated by just everybody.He even told to people to vote for Clinton HAHAHAHAHA !!!!!

    I guess cultists like Gabe C. will find a way to tell you that he doesn’t need to prove anything…He had plenty of time to make a Conan sequel as a thanks for all the long time fans who built him and his fortune.

    Fuck him and fuck the new terminator flick.

    • Jake

      You could really go back even further to when he accepted that record payday for Batman and Robin. It’s been all downhill ever since.

    • csc-60293

      Gabe C would take 35 000 000$ any day ill tell you that. And he is under your skin lol

      • French Predator

        no, you’re juste the biggest cultist known with andrew and mark ahahahah, the three stooges.

        • csc-60293

          i dont know them but ill tell you this. If somebody offers me 35 000 000$ to make T3 (or the three stooges for that matter) id do it without even thinking. And yes its a terrible movie but 35 million is 35 millions. Agree?

          • BradyDeez

            Dude, fuck you for being rational.

          • csc-60293

            lol !!!!

        • Frenchy Fool

          lol you illiterate palooka.

          • French Predator

            I did your mom.

    • Frenchy the Imdb cunt

      Frenchy dummy still babbling i see. Sabotage was terrible you clod.

      • French Predator

        Triggered, cultist ahahahaah

      • Avenging force

        Sabotage was one of his best since he came back ,fuck dude do you even lift.

  • Jimmy Smith

    Agree 100%. Movie was pretty bad and tedious for the majority of the running time. Not funny and a shitty cast. Only good scenes are the ones with Arnold which you pretty much see in the trailer. I’d give it a 3/10 for those scenes but the rest is god awful.

  • Eric Hutchison

    I’d rather go watch Hercules in New York again. It’s so bad, it’s funny.

    Oh well, we still have Stallone. Even if his movies start going DTV, we know we’ll get an actual, solid effort from him. He respects his fans.

  • Barney Ross

    GARBAGE MOVIE!!! Arnold looks good though
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oW3aH5c3fQ

    Where’s your review for Kingsman 2???? It was excellent, best so far in 2017 with Hitman’s bodyguard!!!

    • BradyDeez

      Dunkirk, Baby Driver, Get Out, It, and Logan are the best movies of the year.

      Nolan is also a front runner for best director so that’s dope too.

  • Barney Ross

    EVERYONE SUPPORT KINGSMAN 2 IN CINEMA!!! The others (retards) who dont support it GO FUCK YOURSELF RATS
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdzcFJ7xvpk

    • Avenging force

      Make up your fuckin mind you spend ages bitching about bad cgi and comic book movies then a movie which has both you say best movie of the year you don’t have a fucking clue about movies ,do you even lift.

  • TheOldMcClane

    sad to see Arnold reduce himself to shit like this.

    • csc-60293

      very sad

  • Austrian Oak

    So,are they actually killing Gunther in the end?

  • Avenging force

    Arnold is enjoying life he put the hours in for years now he’s gonna coast ,would I like better stuff from him yes,am I mad that he’s just taking it easy no ,he did enough in his younger years to do what ever the fuck he wants,

  • GWB 8219

    Looks like Arnie has been spending too much time with Bruce and has joined the DTV scam. Name on the credits big picture on the poster, half a days work and a quick pay day while the fans get fucked.

  • Kim Jolicoeur

    Unfortunately I have to agree 100%.

    In fairness, the parts with Arnold are very good. Like he (FINALLY!) shows up to show them how you do a fucking moofie. But even his presence doesn’t make it worth going through what comes before.

    It’s horrible.